??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
