the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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