Nicole vs. Life
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
