its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
