i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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