I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
