Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
