Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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