I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im holly from the hills drunk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
