the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
