I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
