if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
