Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
