Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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