Who did Billy Mays play for?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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