So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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