she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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