how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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