Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
