She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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