At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
