Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
