And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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