i'm signing you up for texting rehab
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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