we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
