You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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