Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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