unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
