idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
