I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
