worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize