So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
