I skipped work to stalk him.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
