It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
