I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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