i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
