he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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