hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
