I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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