it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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