he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
