i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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