What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
