By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
