I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I need to align my fucking chakras
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
