There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
