Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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