I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
