dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
