Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
