put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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