you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wear drunk well.
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