my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
