so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
