My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
