Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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