Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
