So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
