im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
