I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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