Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
