oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
