the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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