she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
