I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
